i'm bloody alone in this whole wide world. nobody cares. all they care about is themselves. i'm crying now, sorry to say. even though i told myself i wouldn't cry. i want to talk to somebody. but there's nobody. everybody's busy.
nope. i'm not important. i'm just there so you could trample all over me when your in a bad mood.
my birthday's gonna suck. i know it. it's sucked for the past few years. recap
14 yrs old. bro sick, so how? dinner with dad and grandma. thatsss allllll. no cake, no present. nothing. this is not materialistic. this is expectations. you brought me up with the pretence that i celebrate my birthday every year. guess i'm just so dumb and naiive. then my mum's birthday the whole family goes for dinner, and she has a cake and flowers. its so bloody unfair
15 yrs old. fight fight fight. nothing more to say
so this year. i'm not celebratin. i'm gonna EMO. STOMP AROUND THE HOUSE. LOCK MYSELF IN MY ROOM FOR ALL I BLOODY CARE. YOU DON'T CARE SO WHY SHOULD I.
you don't even know me anymore. you used to. now you don't. maybe i should go goth? dress all in black. or stop eating, get aneroxic. or start going suicidal, slit my wrists a little bit. you won't even care. all you see is the surface, you think i'm a bimbo. I'M NOT. i may talk a little bit like or sometimes act like one. but i'm not one.
you should be happy i stayed home yesterday. for a no good uncle who only came at 7 o'clock. i was waiting the whole day. i should have gone out. no dissapointments. all i want to do is watch a movie that i've been planning to watch for practically 3 weeks. is that wrong? i don't get everything i want you know. I BLOODY DON'T. so don't you start with your you get eveything crap. if i do, i won't be crying now would i.
and you bloody stop telling me i'm putting on weight. my body is your body. NOT YOURS. HYPOCRITE.
i'm still crying. blogging isn't giving me the satisfaction that it used to.
xoxo
joanna
2008-06-29
2008-06-24
my current best friend
Drew looks at me, I fake a smile so he won't see
That I want and I'm needing everything that we should be
I'll bet she's beautiful, that girl he talks about
And she's got everything that I have to live without
Drew talks to me, I laugh cause it's just so funny
That I can't even see anyone when he's with me
He says he's so in love, he's finally got it right,
I wonder if he knows he's all I think about at night
[Chorus:]
He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star
He's the song in the car I keep singing, don't know why I do
Drew walks by me, can he tell that I can't breathe?
And there he goes, so perfectly,
The kind of flawless I wish I could be
She'd better hold him tight, give him all her love
Look in those beautiful eyes and know she's lucky cause
[Repeat Chorus]
So I drive home alone, as I turn out the light
I'll put his picture down and maybe
Get some sleep tonight
He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only one who's got enough of me to break my heart
He's the song in the car I keep singing, don't know why I do
He's the time taken up, but there's never enough
And he's all that I need to fall into..
Drew looks at me, I fake a smile so he won't see
yes, my current best friend is this song. i can't help but keep playing it over and over againn....
haihzzz. something happened today but i do not wish to discuss it here.... so soryy...
xoxo
joanna
P.S. briana and mei are the best!! =). love u guys loads.
That I want and I'm needing everything that we should be
I'll bet she's beautiful, that girl he talks about
And she's got everything that I have to live without
Drew talks to me, I laugh cause it's just so funny
That I can't even see anyone when he's with me
He says he's so in love, he's finally got it right,
I wonder if he knows he's all I think about at night
[Chorus:]
He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star
He's the song in the car I keep singing, don't know why I do
Drew walks by me, can he tell that I can't breathe?
And there he goes, so perfectly,
The kind of flawless I wish I could be
She'd better hold him tight, give him all her love
Look in those beautiful eyes and know she's lucky cause
[Repeat Chorus]
So I drive home alone, as I turn out the light
I'll put his picture down and maybe
Get some sleep tonight
He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only one who's got enough of me to break my heart
He's the song in the car I keep singing, don't know why I do
He's the time taken up, but there's never enough
And he's all that I need to fall into..
Drew looks at me, I fake a smile so he won't see
yes, my current best friend is this song. i can't help but keep playing it over and over againn....
haihzzz. something happened today but i do not wish to discuss it here.... so soryy...
xoxo
joanna
P.S. briana and mei are the best!! =). love u guys loads.
2008-06-22
six year-olds.
someone told me i was acting like a six year old today. bloody hell him la, go die. hmph.
don't you thinks its rude of a person to not answer your sms-es then suddenly out of the blue say your acting like a six year old. hmph. bloody hell. guys suck. suck suck suck. (my family not included laaa).
they really suck you know. i'm not gonna list all their defects out here, i'll start ranting. is it too much to ask a person to answer sms-es? *he thinks he's so bloody perfect. hmph. go die. i go find somebody else to listen to my story. hmph.
i'm gonna become a feminist and not depend on guys as friends anymore cause they're so bloody useless. hmph!
xoxo
joanna
P.S. hmph hmph hmph.
don't you thinks its rude of a person to not answer your sms-es then suddenly out of the blue say your acting like a six year old. hmph. bloody hell. guys suck. suck suck suck. (my family not included laaa).
they really suck you know. i'm not gonna list all their defects out here, i'll start ranting. is it too much to ask a person to answer sms-es? *he thinks he's so bloody perfect. hmph. go die. i go find somebody else to listen to my story. hmph.
i'm gonna become a feminist and not depend on guys as friends anymore cause they're so bloody useless. hmph!
xoxo
joanna
P.S. hmph hmph hmph.
2008-06-19
stupid moral project
actually right, the only reason im up is im supposed to be doing my moral project which was due last monday. hahahahha. but im too lazy to do it. my eyelids closing without me controlling d. soooooooo, i'll think of an excuse to pass it up on friday instead. ahahah.
hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm,
actually i got nothing else to say
oh yeah, you know why lately i look paler, and moodier and alll. well, kong and i figured out why. its cause i'm sleeping but not really sleeping? hahaha. get it. as in nowadays i keep having these weird crazy psychotic dreams but wake up and cant remember them. thats not the best part, when i wake up i feel like i've only slept for like 5 mins like dat? so right, is there anyway to stop dreaming. i mean i like dreaming cause of the whole deja vu thing, but i really feel so tired nowadays. so yeahhhh, i'm not moody or depressed or anything. I'M JUST PLAIN TIRED AND SLEEPY!! i'm really grateful for everybody's concern, but having like 5 ppl asking you daily are you ok is getting a little bit irritating. but i'm seriously very grateful k!. =)
anyway
i shud sleep now
so i can not sleep again
haihz
xoxo
joanna
P.S. the sadness has now been replaced with anger. so don't mess with me, i might just do something unexpected. you've been warned. =)
hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm,
actually i got nothing else to say
oh yeah, you know why lately i look paler, and moodier and alll. well, kong and i figured out why. its cause i'm sleeping but not really sleeping? hahaha. get it. as in nowadays i keep having these weird crazy psychotic dreams but wake up and cant remember them. thats not the best part, when i wake up i feel like i've only slept for like 5 mins like dat? so right, is there anyway to stop dreaming. i mean i like dreaming cause of the whole deja vu thing, but i really feel so tired nowadays. so yeahhhh, i'm not moody or depressed or anything. I'M JUST PLAIN TIRED AND SLEEPY!! i'm really grateful for everybody's concern, but having like 5 ppl asking you daily are you ok is getting a little bit irritating. but i'm seriously very grateful k!. =)
anyway
i shud sleep now
so i can not sleep again
haihz
xoxo
joanna
P.S. the sadness has now been replaced with anger. so don't mess with me, i might just do something unexpected. you've been warned. =)
2008-06-17
watching time pass me by...
i know exams are over and everything. but i deserve to treat myself with a morbid post don't you think. if you don't agree you might as well not read this post.
welll, today was the last day of exams. i went home, ate then decided to start on the new book that i had borrowed. where rainbows end by cecilia ahern. i can't help feeling that she really has the knack of making me feel depressed after reading her books. die hard romantic novel fans may not agree with me, arguing that her books are a mix of romance and comedy. well, i totally disagree.
this book is about two childhood friends. the whole book is in letters and emails, not written from a narrative point of view. making me think, when was the last time i actually wrote and email or letter to a friend or family member. i used to loveeeeee writing letters you know, i still have this drawer full of writing stationary that i used to treasure. instead of looking at clothes, i looked at stationary. a little hard to believe but i loved to write. now, i rely on short snatches of conversations from people. the only people i actually share conversations about my life are the people i spend recess with, the people i go to tuition with, the people i walk out of school with. but now i've come to realise. it's all been very shallow conversations. you know the conversations where you see a person, go up to them ask them how they are then either one of you makes an excuse to leave. i really miss conversations that have substance. conversations that stretch into the night, you know? hmmmm
yeah, so back to the storybook. they're called Alex and Rosie, and they're both so dumb!!! they've known each other since they were 5yrs old. they always pass notes and write letters to each other and stuff. and they're best friends. you know they say that guys and girls can never be only best friends in that sense. well, i kinda agree. rosie's dumb, nuff said. she doesn't realise all the signs that Alex gives off and in the end gets pregnant with some other guys baby. the babies named katie. then alex goes and marries somebody else, and rosie has to be the BEST WOMAN. then rosie gets married. alex and wife have a child, not long after divorce. then rosie divorces. along the way, alex wrote a letter of his declaration of his love but it gets lost. yeah. then alex marries somebody else and has another child. rosie's parents pass away and she inherits this house along the coast which she turns into this b&b. then finally alex confesses. at the end of the story they hook up. THE END.
gosh, how depressing is that i tell you. i read through the whole book and i felt like screaming in frustration at how dumb they were. admittedly, it really was a good and funny book. but they're both so dumb!!. so you know what, IF YOU LOVE SOMEONE, TELL THEM. haha. thats the message loud and clear. sadly i can't take my advice cause i don't have the guts to tell that guy that i like him you know. saddddddd. but i'm getting over it. lots of ice-cream and chocolate helps. REALLY.
xoxo
joanna
P.S. all i need to do now is to keep repeating to myself he isn't worth it over and over again in my head until i'm absolutely convinced. hmmm, another thousand more times to go.
welll, today was the last day of exams. i went home, ate then decided to start on the new book that i had borrowed. where rainbows end by cecilia ahern. i can't help feeling that she really has the knack of making me feel depressed after reading her books. die hard romantic novel fans may not agree with me, arguing that her books are a mix of romance and comedy. well, i totally disagree.
this book is about two childhood friends. the whole book is in letters and emails, not written from a narrative point of view. making me think, when was the last time i actually wrote and email or letter to a friend or family member. i used to loveeeeee writing letters you know, i still have this drawer full of writing stationary that i used to treasure. instead of looking at clothes, i looked at stationary. a little hard to believe but i loved to write. now, i rely on short snatches of conversations from people. the only people i actually share conversations about my life are the people i spend recess with, the people i go to tuition with, the people i walk out of school with. but now i've come to realise. it's all been very shallow conversations. you know the conversations where you see a person, go up to them ask them how they are then either one of you makes an excuse to leave. i really miss conversations that have substance. conversations that stretch into the night, you know? hmmmm
yeah, so back to the storybook. they're called Alex and Rosie, and they're both so dumb!!! they've known each other since they were 5yrs old. they always pass notes and write letters to each other and stuff. and they're best friends. you know they say that guys and girls can never be only best friends in that sense. well, i kinda agree. rosie's dumb, nuff said. she doesn't realise all the signs that Alex gives off and in the end gets pregnant with some other guys baby. the babies named katie. then alex goes and marries somebody else, and rosie has to be the BEST WOMAN. then rosie gets married. alex and wife have a child, not long after divorce. then rosie divorces. along the way, alex wrote a letter of his declaration of his love but it gets lost. yeah. then alex marries somebody else and has another child. rosie's parents pass away and she inherits this house along the coast which she turns into this b&b. then finally alex confesses. at the end of the story they hook up. THE END.
gosh, how depressing is that i tell you. i read through the whole book and i felt like screaming in frustration at how dumb they were. admittedly, it really was a good and funny book. but they're both so dumb!!. so you know what, IF YOU LOVE SOMEONE, TELL THEM. haha. thats the message loud and clear. sadly i can't take my advice cause i don't have the guts to tell that guy that i like him you know. saddddddd. but i'm getting over it. lots of ice-cream and chocolate helps. REALLY.
xoxo
joanna
P.S. all i need to do now is to keep repeating to myself he isn't worth it over and over again in my head until i'm absolutely convinced. hmmm, another thousand more times to go.
2008-06-14
senior confirmation camp pics =)
ahha, i know its like really late. but these are some of the pics le. lol. i was kinda lazy to dl one by one so i picasa-ed them. haha. enjoy!!. =)
group 1. <3
the people who made the bus rides interesting. (thanks kenny for obliging us with jokes when we were bored.)
on the way up. i love the heart. =). it was on the window.
hmmm, some people. namely, nicole, azelia, andrew, steph, debbie and louise
strawberry farm!! =)
their frisbee adventures
haha, i was bored. =)
the pictures all posers la. aha
random. =)
random. =)
on the way down. it was THAT misty. lol
group 1. <3
the people who made the bus rides interesting. (thanks kenny for obliging us with jokes when we were bored.)
on the way up. i love the heart. =). it was on the window.
hmmm, some people. namely, nicole, azelia, andrew, steph, debbie and louise
strawberry farm!! =)
their frisbee adventures
haha, i was bored. =)
the pictures all posers la. aha
random. =)
random. =)
on the way down. it was THAT misty. lollol. that's bout it. it was the best camp ever!. =)
two more days of exams!! muahaha. then i'm gonna go out like crazy. wakaka
i've decided to do my b'day list d la. maybe i'll put it at the sidebar. check it out!! haha.
xoxo
joanna
P.S. even sad songs cant express the sorrow and sadness that i'm feeling right now, can't believe one person could make such a catastrophic impact on my life. =(
2008-06-08
hunt for the best
i continued my hunt for the perfect confirmation dress today....
welll, i only went to amcorp la actually, will go to mid valley again another day
but you the funny thing... haha
i tried on this actually really really nice cheongsam
it didn't look too bad actually. not like fantastic but quite nice.
the price also damn nice you know. haha. 600++
LOL
haha. so i think i'll probably tailor a dress if i cant find a dress in 2 weeks time
there was also this really really nice kinda lacy dress
its off white but very hard to get shoes to match i think.
the price around 150. which i think is worth it cause there was a lot of details.
ill describe shall i
the first layer is simple spaghetti then at the bottom got this really nice lace
then on top of that got a layer of lace sewn on to the dress. really nice wei
the thing is i don't think i'll ever wear that dress after confirmation. hahaha.
don't know la. shoes also haven't found yet. but theres a pair of hopefuls. hmmmm
any dress reccomendations tell me ya. =)
erm, tomorrow exams starting again. i'm starting to feel the nerves again. yikes.
so i better go study.
i won't come online until after the exams i think. see first la.
xoxo
joanna
welll, i only went to amcorp la actually, will go to mid valley again another day
but you the funny thing... haha
i tried on this actually really really nice cheongsam
it didn't look too bad actually. not like fantastic but quite nice.
the price also damn nice you know. haha. 600++
LOL
haha. so i think i'll probably tailor a dress if i cant find a dress in 2 weeks time
there was also this really really nice kinda lacy dress
its off white but very hard to get shoes to match i think.
the price around 150. which i think is worth it cause there was a lot of details.
ill describe shall i
the first layer is simple spaghetti then at the bottom got this really nice lace
then on top of that got a layer of lace sewn on to the dress. really nice wei
the thing is i don't think i'll ever wear that dress after confirmation. hahaha.
don't know la. shoes also haven't found yet. but theres a pair of hopefuls. hmmmm
any dress reccomendations tell me ya. =)
erm, tomorrow exams starting again. i'm starting to feel the nerves again. yikes.
so i better go study.
i won't come online until after the exams i think. see first la.
xoxo
joanna
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