alone

i'm bloody alone in this whole wide world. nobody cares. all they care about is themselves. i'm crying now, sorry to say. even though i told myself i wouldn't cry. i want to talk to somebody. but there's nobody. everybody's busy.
nope. i'm not important. i'm just there so you could trample all over me when your in a bad mood.
my birthday's gonna suck. i know it. it's sucked for the past few years. recap
14 yrs old. bro sick, so how? dinner with dad and grandma. thatsss allllll. no cake, no present. nothing. this is not materialistic. this is expectations. you brought me up with the pretence that i celebrate my birthday every year. guess i'm just so dumb and naiive. then my mum's birthday the whole family goes for dinner, and she has a cake and flowers. its so bloody unfair
15 yrs old. fight fight fight. nothing more to say
so this year. i'm not celebratin. i'm gonna EMO. STOMP AROUND THE HOUSE. LOCK MYSELF IN MY ROOM FOR ALL I BLOODY CARE. YOU DON'T CARE SO WHY SHOULD I.
you don't even know me anymore. you used to. now you don't. maybe i should go goth? dress all in black. or stop eating, get aneroxic. or start going suicidal, slit my wrists a little bit. you won't even care. all you see is the surface, you think i'm a bimbo. I'M NOT. i may talk a little bit like or sometimes act like one. but i'm not one.
you should be happy i stayed home yesterday. for a no good uncle who only came at 7 o'clock. i was waiting the whole day. i should have gone out. no dissapointments. all i want to do is watch a movie that i've been planning to watch for practically 3 weeks. is that wrong? i don't get everything i want you know. I BLOODY DON'T. so don't you start with your you get eveything crap. if i do, i won't be crying now would i.
and you bloody stop telling me i'm putting on weight. my body is your body. NOT YOURS. HYPOCRITE.

i'm still crying. blogging isn't giving me the satisfaction that it used to.

xoxo
joanna